Only Read the First Paragraph

How to Read this Post:  Don’t. Save it in a hidden folder or sealed envelope. And pray you’ll never have to read it. This letter is for that moment in your life when you’re crying your eyes out on the floor wishing the pain would just end. In that moment, you can take out this letter and read it. And I'll be here for you.  Save it for when you really need it.

Dear Beautiful,

They say everyone has a story that will break your heart. I suppose the reason that you’re reading this is that you’ve found yours. In that case, my heart goes out to you. And I want to be there beside you, holding your hand and drying your tears. I wish I could. But since I can’t, I hope this letter can suffice.

Whatever the matter is Beautiful, I can’t begin to express how heartbroken I am for you. You don’t deserve to feel so empty, depressed, lifeless. No one does, but you especially. You deserve a future, the best future possible. You deserve happiness and joy. You deserve way more than the cards you’ve been dealt right now. You deserve the whole fucking world. You don’t have to believe that. You just have to know that I believe it.  And that I’m here for you. I’ll carry your world for you in my own hands.  I’ll hold your chains so you don’t have to. Simply place your trust in this letter, in me, and know that everything is going to be alright.

Maybe it’s not going to be alright as soon as you put down this letter. Maybe it won’t be okay after a month, a year, or even fifty years.  See that’s the thing about heartbreaking stories: they break your heart. And from that you never really heal. But as you try to accept your story, as you forgive, forget, cry it out, talk about it, and time passes, the hurt begins to subside.

I suppose have no way of knowing what has happened to make you feel so broken inside.  Regardless, I assure you I will do everything in my power to alleviate your pain. To begin, no matter how much you think you’re broken, know that you’re not. You’re bent, almost to the point of breaking, hanging by a thread, but not there yet.  And you’re not going to get there.  You are so incredibly strong to have made it this far. The amount of fight in your heart is absolutely inspiring and you can come out of this on top. You don’t have to believe this. You just have to know that I believe it. And everyone that knows your true colors believes it too. Because tough times don’t last. But tough people, like you, they do last. Not many people can say they’re as tough as you. Because not many people can say they’ve seen hell. But you have, and you will make it back and live to tell the tale. I have the highest confidence that you will win this battle, all subsequent battles, and more importantly, this war. Because you, are the definition of strong, Beautiful.

So how are you going to win this war?  That part’s up to you. Make a list of everything that’s wrong right now and try to think of some solution to go with it, even if it’s just trying to ignore the problem.  Distractions. If your problem is one where you simply need to forget about it right now, make a list of every way that you are going to distract yourself ranging from watching TV and studying to going mountain biking and swimming. Put all that energy of yours into something else and distract your mind. Make a schedule of when you are going to do all of this to keep your head on straight.  But, most importantly, talk to someone. No, not a psychologist, if that isn’t your thing, but reach out to someone who cares.  A friend, a family member, a teacher. Even if you think there’s no one who cares about you in your life, you’re wrong. See you’re the reason someone wakes up in the morning. You’re the reason someone smiles when they see you down the street. You mean the world to someone. You matter. Always did matter and always will matter. Someone would be there for you if you asked them to be. Because they know they’re life is better when you’re in it, and you’re happy. You don’t have to believe this; you just have to know I believe it. But I know how it feels to think that no one cares, and so I want you to know that you can always talk to me: Invisible_princess@aol.com.

Lastly, I want you to know that you don’t always have to be strong. See, no one can be strong all of the time. But if you concentrate on what’s keeping you together instead of what’s tearing you apart, it’s possible to be strong most of the time. You can get through this. You can get through anything you put your mind to. You are smarter than you think, stronger than you seem, and braver than you believe. And I believe in you.

I will always be here for you. I will always be with you.

Love,

Sheila

How to Deal with Trichotillomania (the hair pulling disorder)

Those of you who don’t know what Trich is, consider yourself lucky. (It’s an anxiety disorder where you pull out your hair) I promised this entry a little while ago in my post “How to Deal with Anxiety” so hereit is.  So maybe not a lot of people suffer from Trich or even know what it is. But I figure, since I battle it myself (a mild form of it)and I’m pretty knowledgeable in the area and it would be ridiculous not to post about dealing with it for the others out there who need a little help. And by dealing with it, I mean stop pulling forever. I’m proud to announce it has been over 150 days since I lasted pulled and I am determined to never go back.  So let me save from your painful world of Trichotillomania. Read on.

First, answer the following questions on a piece of paper:

Why do you pull? Is it compulsive or deliberate? When did you pull for the first time? Where do you pull? (Location on your body) When and where do you pull the most? (Example:  6 pm while doing homework)What measures of prevention have you already taken? What measures worked? What didn’t? What are the consequences of pulling out your hair? What are some of your favorite memories?

These answers will help you to better understand your Trich.  Now there’s two ways you can quit: The twenty one day method, or by deciding to stop now. If you choose the twenty one day method, for the next three weeks, every time you pull you remind yourself why you shouldn’t pull, what the consequences of pulling are, and why you are quitting in 21 days. After your three weeks are up, quitting is apparently a lot easier. The method I used though is just by deciding to stop. No, it’s not that easy and you’ll have to fight yourself tooth and nail every time you get the urge to pull, but with my tips and some mental toughness, you can get through this. 

Tips:

-          Start a journal. Record every time you pull and how you felt about it afterwards. Make it a goal of yours to never fill the entire journal.

-          Mark your calendar with a smiley face for every day you are successfully in not pulling. Put a frowny face on the days you fail

-          Itch the area you want to pull, but don’t pull

-          Wherever you pull the most, be it in your bedroom or in the living room, place sticky notes around the house to remind yourself not to pull

-          Wear any kind of jewelry or watch to play with to distract your fingers from pulling (earrings work awesome)

-          Whenever your hand goes up to pull, make it into a fist and hold it at your side firmly for a count of 10

-          Use a stress ball

-          Distraction. Is. Key. Draw, do homework, sing, clean your room, eat something, play with a pet. Refrain from reading a lot of watching a lot of T.V. because once you zone out, and your Trich is compulsive, you’re back to square one.

-          Okay, this is going to sound weird, but pulling out the fuzz of fuzzy socks gives the same satisfaction of pulling your hair. So you can try doing that instead.

-          Whenever you have the urge to pull, get up a walk to a specific place. This sounds stupid, but bear with me: Try to convince yourself that as soon as you get to that place, everything will be okay and the urge to pull will pass. Eventually, it will actually work.  (I did it with my mom’s classroom at school at it really worked!)

-          I tap my middle finger and thumb together really fast and the rhythm seems to distract me.

-          This works for some people, but no others: Stand up and look at yourself in the mirror with your hands behind your back.  Hold that position until the urge to pull passes.

-          Whenever you want to pull list all the consequences of why you shouldn’t in your head.

-          Or bring yourself back to a happy memory in which you would never want to pull and try to feel the same way as you were feeling. 

-          Be careful. As you’re fighting Trich, new habits to replace the old might pop up. Be just as hard on them as they can become just as addicting.

-          Weeks two and tree are the hardest.  It’s going to take a lot of will power to get through it: a lot of mental toughness. But you can do it. And if you can get through them, the next few weeks will feel like a breeze.

So there you have a few tips on how to stop pulling out your hair and beat Trich for once and for all. Because, I know how much it rule your life. And it’s time for you to take command again. It’s not going to be easy. It’s not going to take just a day, or a week, or even a month. It might take longer or shorter depending on the severity of your Trich.  But in the end, it will be completely worth it. I promise. You can do this. I only hope you believe in you as much as I believe in you <3

Feel free to email me or comment if you have anything to add to the tips list, have any questions of want to share your own success story.  I’d love to hear from you!

How to Help: Anxiety

I’m no doctor or physiatrist, but I have been around the block a few times.  I know people with anxiety disorders and have one myself.  In this post I will focus on how to help someone who has Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and panic disorder.  I understand that not everyone’s anxiety is the same, but this is how I would like to be helped and maybe it could work for your friends as well. 

1.      Get familiar with the subject.  Sure, people have heard of anxiety, but they don’t always have a solid understanding of what it actually is or how much it hurts.  Know that what they are anxious about might be insignificant and irrational but it does not make it any less real for them.  Try this site

2.      Help them do the small things.  Sometimes, the littlest things cause the most anxiety.  Take signing up for a road test for instance.  The fact that they’re setting a date for something big and important is very nerve-wracking.  Offer to sit down and do it with them.  It just helps to have someone by their side. 

3.      Some people have very high anxiety and even get anxiety attacks.  If this is the case, there will be many times that your friend feels like his or her chest will explode from the beating of her heart or he or she will sweat her hands clean out of water.  They will know the pattern their anxiety follows and when they feel it coming on, it is important for them to get away from the situation, mentally or physically. Help them to design an effective get-away plan for their safety.  This escape can either be physical or mental.

a.       Physical escape:  When your friend feels intense anxiety building up, she should physically remove herself from the situation.  This girl, who talks about her anxiety via vlog, likes to get away from her anxiety by driving.  However, for people in school or at work, driving away is not at all possible.  My personal plan has been to walk to my mom’s room to get some pretzels.  Your friend could keep something in her locker to eat.  The key to physical escape is helping your friend to convince herself that once she gets to that ‘safe’ place (her locker, the bathroom, etc.) and distracts herself (by eating, texting, etc.) her anxiety will be gone. Your job in this situation can either be to accompany your friend or cover for her. 

b.      Mental escape: Sometimes, physical escape is just not possible, like in the middle of a test, lecture, or gym class game. In this case, it is important to keep the brain occupied on anything but the anxiety. A game I like to use is the random word game to play it, think of a random word. Allow that word to remind you of another word. And that new word to make you think of another word.  So on and so forth, (example: shark, water, blue, red, fire truck, toy, Christmas, Easter bunny, eggs, chocolate cake, etc.) His thoughts will start flowing from one word to another and allow no room for anxiety.  Once he hits a word that triggers his anxiety, he should stop immediately and start over.

4.      If your friend did not escape the bad situation in time, you may have to help talk him through an anxiety attack.  This is the honestly one of the best and most helpful articles out there and I highly recommend you print it out for your anxious friend. Unless you suspect that one are the one who triggered your friend’s anxiety, stay with him and keep the positive thoughts flowing. 

5.      Anxiety is like a spectrum.  High anxiety and panic attacks are on the right side, and on the left, is lesser to moderate anxiety.  This type of anxiety, unlike panic attacks, last for much longer (days, weeks, months). To help your friend with this, familiarize her with breathing techniques. Check out this site for more information

6.      She can also try tensing and releasing her muscles one by one to relax her body as well. Another technique I’ve learned and utilize quite frequently is tapping.  Be it my thumb and middle finger together or just a finger on my leg or arm.  Your friend could also try this.  I believe this works because it had a certain rhythm to it.  Rocking back and forth and pacing also works, but that is general frowned upon in school settings : )

7.      Make something for her, like a bracelet, to wear to keep with it so she can play with it and look at it when feeling anxious to help her remember that she has someone on her side. 

8.      Create a chart with him.  On one side of the chart, he will write down what makes him feel anxious.  On the other side of the chart he will decide what he will do to combat the feelings, where it is coping techniques, a decision to face it with you, or avoid the situation all together.

9.      Encourage her to spend ten minutes at the beginning and end of each day just breathing, stretching, meditating or doing yoga.  This has done wonders for me in terms to reminding myself how to relax on busy weekdays. 

10.  Remind your friend to get enough exercise to ensure he is releasing his stress in a positive manor.  Healthy eating also plays a role.  He should be eating every four hours and avoiding foods with high sugar and fat content.  Check out this article for more information on healthy eating and anxiety.

11.  Insure your friend that if she should go on medication it would not make you think any less of her.  This option is obviously for her and her doctor and family to discuss, but regardless of the decision, be there for her. 

12.  Mostly though, be there for your friend.  I cannot tell you how good it feels to be able to make eye contacts with a trusted friend during class when anxiety sets in and knowing someone understands what is happening and will be there if needed.

As always, feel free to correct me if you feel I have inaccurately reflected anxiety in any way, shape, or form, and comment below if you have any tips of your own you would like to share. 

 

I do have an additional how-to-help on anxiety for you.  This one is on Trichotillomania, an anxiety disorder where people pull out their hair.  I just have to find it somewhere, but will upload it asap.