How to Deal with Trichotillomania (the hair pulling disorder)

Those of you who don’t know what Trich is, consider yourself lucky. (It’s an anxiety disorder where you pull out your hair) I promised this entry a little while ago in my post “How to Deal with Anxiety” so hereit is.  So maybe not a lot of people suffer from Trich or even know what it is. But I figure, since I battle it myself (a mild form of it)and I’m pretty knowledgeable in the area and it would be ridiculous not to post about dealing with it for the others out there who need a little help. And by dealing with it, I mean stop pulling forever. I’m proud to announce it has been over 150 days since I lasted pulled and I am determined to never go back.  So let me save from your painful world of Trichotillomania. Read on.

First, answer the following questions on a piece of paper:

Why do you pull? Is it compulsive or deliberate? When did you pull for the first time? Where do you pull? (Location on your body) When and where do you pull the most? (Example:  6 pm while doing homework)What measures of prevention have you already taken? What measures worked? What didn’t? What are the consequences of pulling out your hair? What are some of your favorite memories?

These answers will help you to better understand your Trich.  Now there’s two ways you can quit: The twenty one day method, or by deciding to stop now. If you choose the twenty one day method, for the next three weeks, every time you pull you remind yourself why you shouldn’t pull, what the consequences of pulling are, and why you are quitting in 21 days. After your three weeks are up, quitting is apparently a lot easier. The method I used though is just by deciding to stop. No, it’s not that easy and you’ll have to fight yourself tooth and nail every time you get the urge to pull, but with my tips and some mental toughness, you can get through this. 

Tips:

-          Start a journal. Record every time you pull and how you felt about it afterwards. Make it a goal of yours to never fill the entire journal.

-          Mark your calendar with a smiley face for every day you are successfully in not pulling. Put a frowny face on the days you fail

-          Itch the area you want to pull, but don’t pull

-          Wherever you pull the most, be it in your bedroom or in the living room, place sticky notes around the house to remind yourself not to pull

-          Wear any kind of jewelry or watch to play with to distract your fingers from pulling (earrings work awesome)

-          Whenever your hand goes up to pull, make it into a fist and hold it at your side firmly for a count of 10

-          Use a stress ball

-          Distraction. Is. Key. Draw, do homework, sing, clean your room, eat something, play with a pet. Refrain from reading a lot of watching a lot of T.V. because once you zone out, and your Trich is compulsive, you’re back to square one.

-          Okay, this is going to sound weird, but pulling out the fuzz of fuzzy socks gives the same satisfaction of pulling your hair. So you can try doing that instead.

-          Whenever you have the urge to pull, get up a walk to a specific place. This sounds stupid, but bear with me: Try to convince yourself that as soon as you get to that place, everything will be okay and the urge to pull will pass. Eventually, it will actually work.  (I did it with my mom’s classroom at school at it really worked!)

-          I tap my middle finger and thumb together really fast and the rhythm seems to distract me.

-          This works for some people, but no others: Stand up and look at yourself in the mirror with your hands behind your back.  Hold that position until the urge to pull passes.

-          Whenever you want to pull list all the consequences of why you shouldn’t in your head.

-          Or bring yourself back to a happy memory in which you would never want to pull and try to feel the same way as you were feeling. 

-          Be careful. As you’re fighting Trich, new habits to replace the old might pop up. Be just as hard on them as they can become just as addicting.

-          Weeks two and tree are the hardest.  It’s going to take a lot of will power to get through it: a lot of mental toughness. But you can do it. And if you can get through them, the next few weeks will feel like a breeze.

So there you have a few tips on how to stop pulling out your hair and beat Trich for once and for all. Because, I know how much it rule your life. And it’s time for you to take command again. It’s not going to be easy. It’s not going to take just a day, or a week, or even a month. It might take longer or shorter depending on the severity of your Trich.  But in the end, it will be completely worth it. I promise. You can do this. I only hope you believe in you as much as I believe in you <3

Feel free to email me or comment if you have anything to add to the tips list, have any questions of want to share your own success story.  I’d love to hear from you!

How to Help: Anxiety

I’m no doctor or physiatrist, but I have been around the block a few times.  I know people with anxiety disorders and have one myself.  In this post I will focus on how to help someone who has Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and panic disorder.  I understand that not everyone’s anxiety is the same, but this is how I would like to be helped and maybe it could work for your friends as well. 

1.      Get familiar with the subject.  Sure, people have heard of anxiety, but they don’t always have a solid understanding of what it actually is or how much it hurts.  Know that what they are anxious about might be insignificant and irrational but it does not make it any less real for them.  Try this site

2.      Help them do the small things.  Sometimes, the littlest things cause the most anxiety.  Take signing up for a road test for instance.  The fact that they’re setting a date for something big and important is very nerve-wracking.  Offer to sit down and do it with them.  It just helps to have someone by their side. 

3.      Some people have very high anxiety and even get anxiety attacks.  If this is the case, there will be many times that your friend feels like his or her chest will explode from the beating of her heart or he or she will sweat her hands clean out of water.  They will know the pattern their anxiety follows and when they feel it coming on, it is important for them to get away from the situation, mentally or physically. Help them to design an effective get-away plan for their safety.  This escape can either be physical or mental.

a.       Physical escape:  When your friend feels intense anxiety building up, she should physically remove herself from the situation.  This girl, who talks about her anxiety via vlog, likes to get away from her anxiety by driving.  However, for people in school or at work, driving away is not at all possible.  My personal plan has been to walk to my mom’s room to get some pretzels.  Your friend could keep something in her locker to eat.  The key to physical escape is helping your friend to convince herself that once she gets to that ‘safe’ place (her locker, the bathroom, etc.) and distracts herself (by eating, texting, etc.) her anxiety will be gone. Your job in this situation can either be to accompany your friend or cover for her. 

b.      Mental escape: Sometimes, physical escape is just not possible, like in the middle of a test, lecture, or gym class game. In this case, it is important to keep the brain occupied on anything but the anxiety. A game I like to use is the random word game to play it, think of a random word. Allow that word to remind you of another word. And that new word to make you think of another word.  So on and so forth, (example: shark, water, blue, red, fire truck, toy, Christmas, Easter bunny, eggs, chocolate cake, etc.) His thoughts will start flowing from one word to another and allow no room for anxiety.  Once he hits a word that triggers his anxiety, he should stop immediately and start over.

4.      If your friend did not escape the bad situation in time, you may have to help talk him through an anxiety attack.  This is the honestly one of the best and most helpful articles out there and I highly recommend you print it out for your anxious friend. Unless you suspect that one are the one who triggered your friend’s anxiety, stay with him and keep the positive thoughts flowing. 

5.      Anxiety is like a spectrum.  High anxiety and panic attacks are on the right side, and on the left, is lesser to moderate anxiety.  This type of anxiety, unlike panic attacks, last for much longer (days, weeks, months). To help your friend with this, familiarize her with breathing techniques. Check out this site for more information

6.      She can also try tensing and releasing her muscles one by one to relax her body as well. Another technique I’ve learned and utilize quite frequently is tapping.  Be it my thumb and middle finger together or just a finger on my leg or arm.  Your friend could also try this.  I believe this works because it had a certain rhythm to it.  Rocking back and forth and pacing also works, but that is general frowned upon in school settings : )

7.      Make something for her, like a bracelet, to wear to keep with it so she can play with it and look at it when feeling anxious to help her remember that she has someone on her side. 

8.      Create a chart with him.  On one side of the chart, he will write down what makes him feel anxious.  On the other side of the chart he will decide what he will do to combat the feelings, where it is coping techniques, a decision to face it with you, or avoid the situation all together.

9.      Encourage her to spend ten minutes at the beginning and end of each day just breathing, stretching, meditating or doing yoga.  This has done wonders for me in terms to reminding myself how to relax on busy weekdays. 

10.  Remind your friend to get enough exercise to ensure he is releasing his stress in a positive manor.  Healthy eating also plays a role.  He should be eating every four hours and avoiding foods with high sugar and fat content.  Check out this article for more information on healthy eating and anxiety.

11.  Insure your friend that if she should go on medication it would not make you think any less of her.  This option is obviously for her and her doctor and family to discuss, but regardless of the decision, be there for her. 

12.  Mostly though, be there for your friend.  I cannot tell you how good it feels to be able to make eye contacts with a trusted friend during class when anxiety sets in and knowing someone understands what is happening and will be there if needed.

As always, feel free to correct me if you feel I have inaccurately reflected anxiety in any way, shape, or form, and comment below if you have any tips of your own you would like to share. 

 

I do have an additional how-to-help on anxiety for you.  This one is on Trichotillomania, an anxiety disorder where people pull out their hair.  I just have to find it somewhere, but will upload it asap.

How to Help: Suicide

       As a disclaimer, I am by no means a professional (is there such thing as a professional talker-outer-of suicide?). These are simply ideas that have worked for me in the past. Any site can tell you the signs of a suicidal friend and that you should tell and adult right away.  What no one will tell you though, is what to do that moment when a close friend or family member discloses to you that they want to die. There’s no guidebook for such a situation, though it seems there should be.  So here’s my best advice for that terrifying moment when you’re the last person standing between a friend and their possible death.

So let’s say your friend called you one night in tears, saying they were thinking about committing suicide. 

1.       Take a deep breath. The worst thing you can do is panic. As scared as you may be, they are way more scared and you need to be the strong one right now.

2.       Realize the urgency of the situation without becoming overwhelmed. Yes, a close friend or family member might not survive the night, but they did come to you for help.  This means they still have hope.  Keep hope alive, and you keep your friend alive.  It’s as simple as that.

3.       Ask when and where they are going to kill themselves.  This gives you an idea of the time range you are dealing with and also lets your friend know that you are taking them seriously.

4.       If they are planning on committing suicide that night, drive to their house while talking on your cell phone.

5.       Listen to them talk. Be sympathetic and supportive. Keep them talking. (Think about it: Talking = alive) Talk until they calm down.

6.       Don’t argue with them.  Don’t make them angry and not want to listen to you – or worse, hang up. Don’t tell them that they have so much to live for. They’re not going to believe you. They’ve already thought this through and they feel like no, they do not have that much to live for at all.

7.       Don’t try to guilt them out of it by telling them how much it would hurt their family and friends. Many suicidal people believe their family and friends do not care at all.

8.      Ask them what they are looking forward to next week, next month, next year, next 10 years.  Ask them about their goals, their bucket-lists.  Your goal here is to find them a reason to live. If they cannot think of a reason, make it up.  Decide that you two are going to do something fun next week that you’ve never done before to give them something to look forward to.

9.      Don’t hang up the phone without making them promise to go right to sleep.

10.  Right after hanging up the phone, tell an adult what happened.

So there you go: how to talk someone out of suicide in 10 steps. The key is keeping hope alive. Hope is the last thing to go and when all hope is lost, life follows suit. The fact that they told you they were considering suicide as an option actually means that you are halfway there: You don’t have to give them hope because they already have a little left. You just have to keep the flame alive.

Okay, so on a completely unrelated topic, I have big news: I might become visible soon. I’ve made a really great friend over email recently and he’s basically convinced me to take my goal of changing the world a step further: by presenting my project in front of my school. In my presentation I will explain what I do to change the world and inspire others to do the same. I've emailed my school principle with this propasal and I am excited to hear her reply. Though I’m quite comfortable being the center of attention, I can’t help but think why on earth I would pour my heart out to my whole high school chancing utter embarrassment and public humiliation. But I know I cannot live my life like that.  I would do anything to make this world a better place.  If it means telling my story to my high school, so be it. Got Fear? Bring it on. Because fear stops meaning so much when you’re twice as determined.

How to Help: Depression

1.       The first step to helping someone with Depression is approaching them and letting them know you understand what they are going through and you care.  If you have noticed a classmate or friend has been acting really down lately, or even has noticeable self-harm marks, it’s important to approach them and offer to be there for them.  Depending on your relationship with them, you can either slip them a note, telling them you care, or sit them down and question what’s up. It’s natural to be nervous when approaching such a serious situation.  But would you ever forgive yourself if that person committed suicide the next day and you could have done something to stop it, but chickened out? So maybe that’s a stretch, but put yourself in their shoes: if you were going through a rough patch in your life, wouldn’t you want someone to be there for you? You may be nervous now, but when it’s all said and done, it will be worth it.

2.       So you’ve approached your friend and heard their story. You’ve slipped a note in your classmate’s locker and they called you that afternoon to talk.  The most important thing that you can do now is listen.  Listening does not always include giving advice. Sometimes it may, but on most occasions, listening is just listening: no more, no less. You are a spark of hope, but just like a flame, hope can be diminished.  Keep the fire burning by consistently lending a listening ear.

3.       So here comes the point, after I express the vitality of listening, where I instruct you to tell an adult.  Yes, when you are dealing with a situation such as this, telling a trusted parent, teacher, counselor, is the best thing to do.  They can get professional help from your friend, something that you cannot offer.  But anyone can tell you that.  What no one else has bothered to do though is give you any advice on how to handle the situation is there simply is no one to go to.  So I’ll be the first.

4.       You’ve heard their story; you’ve listened whenever they needed you to.  Now, it’s important to stay updated on how they are feeling. Check up on them on a weekly or daily basis. This could range from long-winded conversations to a simple “How are you?” “Good” type exchange.

A.      I use something I call “emotion bracelets”.  Tell your friend to make a list of the feelings they have most often, like contentment, stress, self-hatred, etc.  you probably want there to be less than ten of them.  Next, assign a color to each bracelet.  You can then either make or buy bracelets of the chosen colors.  When your friend wakes up each morning, he or she will decide what they feel and put on the corresponding bracelets.  They are allowed to wear as many or as little of the bracelets as necessary. Then, make an extra bracelet.  This one will be black.  It means “I need help.” Or “I cut myself” or “I want to committee suicide.” The purpose of the bracelets is to give a voice to the feelings that your friend is too busy, too nervous, or too shy to tell you about.  The bracelets make communication word-optional.  (Remember to write down which colors mean which emotion for both you and your friend)

B. Another daily check I’ve used is to ask “Yes or no.” This means “Did you cut today or not?” No one beside you and your friend will know what the conversation is about.

C. Weekly checks usually require a scheduled time to talk. If time is scarce, consider writing letters to each other.

5. Having someone to talk to will only help to an extent though. Many pieces of one’s life are factors that lead to the monster known as depression. To kill the monster, all its causative agents must be disband. My best advice on this one is to sit down together with a paper and pencil and list everything that contributes to their depression. One the other side of the paper, list what they will do about it. The way I see it is that life isn’t a single path where you get what’s given to you and deal. Life is a series of many paths that interconnect and cross. You can choose any path you wish. You can also choose to bush-whack. If you don’t like the path you’re on, change it. If you cannot change it, decide how you will endure it without letting the dirt you walk on muddy your smile. Put the list you made together into a plan and create goals that go along with them. Soon, your friend will be blazing his or her own trail to the life they want.

6. Help them find something they are passionate about, whether it is a hobby they enjoy or a goal they want to complete. This will bring new meaning to their life. This also becomes their reason to live.

This method has worked for me many times. That being said, it cannot work for everyone. Talk to a trusted adult right away if you start to worry about a friend who has the potential of committing suicide and harming his or herself in any other way. After all, lives are at stake.

Coming up: Do you know how to talk someone out of suicide? Find out next Tuesday 2/12