Close your eyes for a second. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Put down the blade. Put it down and walk away. Put as much distance between it and you as possible. Think of all the people in your life that would cry if you showed them the marks you were planning on making tonight. Picture the tears running down their faces. Because, when you hurt, they hurt too. And then make butterflies for them. Cover your body with butterflies if necessary. Let them protect you. Let the butterflies protect you, like your loved ones would if they were here with you.
If you think no one would care if you hurt yourself tonight, I promise you, you’re wrong. Someone would care. Maybe they haven’t voiced that concern, but it’s there. And I would care too. So tonight, draw a butterfly for me too.
The pain you want to inflict on yourself right now isn’t worth it. You are worth more than the difficulties life is throwing at you right now. You deserve happiness and love. You deserve to smile. Hurting yourself is not going to get you there tonight, or any other night. Life hurts sometimes. It hurts a lot. Don’t add to the hurt. Don’t let the demons creep in and take over you. You are stronger than them. You’ve been through some much. And I know you can get through this too. Because, you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. Prove to yourself how strong you really are tonight. And let go of the thought of the blade. Let go of the urge. Breathe it out with all the strength you have. And fight its return.
Ten years from now, looking back on this moment, you can either say two things: “I cut again that night. I wish I had figured out how to fight the demons earlier” or “That night was the biggest step in my road to recovery. I’m so proud of myself for putting down the blade.” Which would you rather say?
If you’d rather say the later, distract yourself tonight. Watch TV, study, write, read, sing, call a friend, email me, hug a stuffed animal, or sleep. Distract yourself to so the urge doesn’t return. I know you can do this. I believe in you with all my heart.
And I am so incredibly proud of you for not hurting yourself tonight.