Close your eyes for a second.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Put down the blade. Put it down and walk away. Put as much
distance between it and you as possible. Think of all the people in your life
that would cry if you showed them the marks you were planning on making tonight.
Picture the tears running down their faces.
Because, when you hurt, they hurt too. And then make butterflies for
them. Cover your body with butterflies if necessary. Let them protect you. Let
the butterflies protect you, like your loved ones would if they were here with
you.
If you think no one would care if
you hurt yourself tonight, I promise you, you’re wrong. Someone would care.
Maybe they haven’t voiced that concern, but it’s there. And I would care too.
So tonight, draw a butterfly for me too.
The pain you want to inflict on
yourself right now isn’t worth it. You are worth more than the difficulties
life is throwing at you right now. You deserve happiness and love. You deserve
to smile. Hurting yourself is not going to get you there tonight, or any other
night. Life hurts sometimes. It hurts a
lot. Don’t add to the hurt. Don’t let the demons creep in and take over you.
You are stronger than them. You’ve been through some much. And I know you can
get through this too. Because, you never know how strong you are until being
strong is the only choice you have. Prove to yourself how strong you really are
tonight. And let go of the thought of the blade. Let go of the urge. Breathe it
out with all the strength you have. And fight its return.
Ten years from now, looking back on
this moment, you can either say two things: “I cut again that night. I wish I
had figured out how to fight the demons earlier” or “That night was the biggest
step in my road to recovery. I’m so proud of myself for putting down the blade.”
Which would you rather say?
If you’d rather say the later, distract
yourself tonight. Watch TV, study, write, read, sing, call a friend, email me,
hug a stuffed animal, or sleep. Distract
yourself to so the urge doesn’t return. I
know you can do this. I believe in you with all my heart.
And I am so incredibly proud of you
for not hurting yourself tonight.
Love,
Sheila
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